A personal recount of self awareness in neurodivergence

The topic of neurodivergence is circulating a lot these days. Growing up, I only ever heard about autism, and as most would know, unfortunately is a word that holds a lot of stigma. People often retaliate in a strong defence from any hint of this word being used to label them. It feels like an attack. And by no means do I believe that this is a healthy response to the word. I am sad to remember I used to have the same strong reaction when I would hear it, let alone when it was first proposed to be a label for me… it seemed to reaffirm what I had always suspected in feeling different from others. And for now, all I can say that I have is Generalised Anxiety.  

For a quick summary of what this means, it is the uncontrollable worry that is triggered by everyday things and exacerbated by ongoing stress or traumatic events. Just because I have this predisposition, it doesn’t guarantee I will be scared every time there is a loud noise, an argument, a thunderstorm… but generally speaking, life is quite fear led for me and others who experience the same. It is what my body naturally does to protect me from stimuli that it perceives as a threat. This can be trained… but so far I can not say it can be changed or cured. The world has not provided a comprehensive, fact-based framework for us to navigate life with. Unlike schools that impose a rigid and often unattainable structure, the world leaves us without clear guidelines. Schools fail to address the intellectual and emotional challenges that many young people encounter. As an adult, I understand that life doesn't come with a rule book. However, it would be more manageable if the rules imposed weren't so restrictive and if the concept of being "normal" or "neurotypical" wasn't so unrealistic and stifling.

There’s also the topic of normalcy. What is neurotypical, what is normal? And who has the right to dictate this? I don’t think I have met a normal person to date. And that is not an insult, as it might sound. It's important to recognise the diversity and uniqueness in every individual. In my experience, I've observed that every person has facets of their behaviour that might not align with conventional norms or might stand out as different. Everyone seems to have their own unique quirks, challenges, and ways of navigating the world which is why I am bringing awareness towards neurodivergence. 

Interpersonal skills are like a muscle that strengthens over time but can be hindered by excessive stress. And it is totally okay to learn this skill at any age in life.

Normalcy often seems like a pretext for maintaining the facade of having one's life perfectly together—financial stability, flawless fashion, impeccable speech. It also implies accepting certain negative behaviors while deeming any deviation from this norm as abnormal and ostracising those who don't fit in.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn are the 4 categorised responses to stress. E.g.

Fight feels like bearing all defences physically and mentally, heat rushing to the head, knotted stomach, clenched fists.

Flight feels like everything is so loud, lights are scorching down on you, butterflies in the stomach, legs tense and ready to run.

Freeze feels like everything is pushing down on you from all directions, ears feel blocked and ringing, vision turns slowly red, and the heart drums in the chest. Sounds feel like they are in a tunnel, everything seems to go blurry.

Fawn feels like helplessness, dissociation, succumbing to the pressure of the world, cold sweat, giving in, and fainting.

I speak with a heart of humility, fully disclosing that I have not thoroughly researched for this article, all that I have expressed comes from my prior efforts to learning about neurodivergence and the stress responses. My words are shaped by personal experiences, making them especially relevant to the topic of mental health. Thank you for reading and I hope we can educate ourselves about ourselves first and extend the hand of acceptance to one another.